Why We Want to Think before We Judge-A life advice from Yoky Yu

After reading some books about interpersonal skills, I feel the urge to tell more people about thinking before judging. Before I talk about my thoughts, I have three books to recommend:

1. Difficult conversations
2. Fight less, love more
3. Getting to Yes

It is so easy for us to not like somebody! We say we hate XXX because of XXX, we are tired of XXX because of XXX…..We hate things and people so easily that we don’t have time to think before we judge.

think before judge

The number one reason why we want to pause and think for those annoying people or things is that what we saw was only what it appeared to be. We didn’t have the chance to exam the background story, nor do we care enough to. For example, you judge that Julie is a fake person because she always says things that are not from her heart. She is just not natural, as if she is hiding her true thoughts. She wants to be the perfect Julie, whom you and your friends apparently don’t like.

But one day, you happen to see her parents. You saw the way Julie interact with her parents and siblings, you realize that the way Julie’s family communicate is very polite. It is so polite that to some people, it becomes fake. However, you realize that it is the culture of Julie’s family: being polite. Julie treat you and your friends the same way that she treats her family. After seeing this, you regret how you misjudged Julie because she was not being fake at all.

Another day, you say that you will never forgive Jack who bullied you when you were little. You were definitely hurt and Jack was certainly an evil kid. There is no way that you misjudged him because everybody hate Jack. However, one day, you learned that Jack’s dad was put in jail because his dad abused his mom, and Jack was raised by his grandparents who spoiled him. That’s why Jack turns out to be this asshole. So, after all, it is not Jack’s fault, but his dad’s fault.

This reasoning sounds good to you but it doesn’t decrease your hate to Jack. However, you realize that if the environment that you grow up in was similar to Jack’s, you might also become similar to Jack. So you begin to think in Jack’s shoe a little bit.

What I am trying to say is that we should have a bigger heart and a bigger brain for bad people in our life. Many times there are so many stories behind and ignored by us that we punish before we try to understand. Whenever somebody in your life treats you bad, being rude to you, hurts you, or neglects you, think for them. Think what may cause them doing that. Maybe they were doing those bad things to protect themselves, or maybe somebody else in their life had a bad influence on them. You are still allowed to get mad and fight for yourself, but just think before you do that, because you can easily say bad things or do bad things to protect yourself, and hurt other people, even your loved ones. (2616)


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