How to Have an Orgasm-Yes, You Have Heard Me

Ok, Yes, I am writing this post as I have promised some of my friends. Obviously I am writing this article with a glass of Rosé

…otherwise it would be too weird.

Let me start off by saying this:

Learning how to have an orgasm is like learning scuba diving. Let’s refer orgasm as scuba diving for a bit.


Your mom might have never done scuba diving. She is not teaching you how.

Your dad obviously won’t talk to you about sensitive subjects like scuba diving.

Your school won’t teach you that. In fact, your teachers might have never experienced scuba diving any way.

Commercials and TVs make scuba diving look too easy, assuming everyone is a scuba diving master already.

As Chinese kids, you don’t openly talk about scuba diving…because goodie-goodies stay virgin before they get married….

You don’t have sisters to talk to because you are a only child.

You need a good partner or a coach to help you. But chances are that your dummy boyfriend has no clue how to help you because nobody has taught them how to neither.

So….all the odds are against you for having a successful scuba diving experience.

You might feel a bit weird….Why have I never scuba dived before? Should I pretend that I had? Is there anything wrong with me?

Hold that thought. Orgasm is not something that you “fake it until you make it.”

Knowing what turns you on and what helps you reach orgasm is very important because….why not?

Let me walk you through some statistics.


-Only 57% of women usually have orgasms when they have sex with a partner, according to new data fromCosmopolitan’s Female Orgasm Survey. (

-Only one-quarter of women reliably experience orgasm during intercourse-no matter how long it lasts, no matter what size the man’s penis, and no matter how the woman feels about the man or the relationship. (

Ok. I am no sex expert. I am not going to draw a picture of a vagina for you and point out where the clitoris is.

Nobody fucking told me where my clitoris was ……so go figure it out yourself….buy a book! Google it! Even Baidu it maybe.

What I know is that if you are not having an orgasm and would like to have one fairly soon, consider those elements:

-how hot do you consider yourself is? This could be a sex self-esteem matter.

-how knowledgeable is your sex partner? Don’t just rely on him. Some guys are very selfish and/ or ignorant. You can’t blame them though. You have to educate them or change a partner.

-how is your bedroom environment? Do you live with your parents where they intrude your privacy?


-What turns you on? Porn? Uniforms? Dirty talks? different objects? Flower? Bread…? haha I am just t

hrowing random ideas at you.

-When was the last time you had a pleasant sexual experience? What happened and how can you re-create it?

-How can you leverage technology and existing products… such as lube and sex toys? We don’t have to re-create the wheel.

-Where can you gather more information on the science and “know-hows” of sex and orgasm?

-Who would be somebody you trust that might answer your questions?

-What are your strengths in sex and how can you leverage them?

As a Clifton StrengthsFinder coach…I am not here to tell you what to do. You have all the answers in you already. I am just trying to ignite some conversations that you haven’t had with yourself yet.

So, the answer to “how to have an orgasm for Chinese girls” is not laid out in front of you. You have to do some work and answer those questions listed above.

To give you more prospectives, I have interviewed a lady friend to talk about her tips/ experiences with you.

One of my favorite girl friends’ interview:

Q: When was your first time having an orgasm? How did it feel and what was done right?

A: My first time having an orgasm with someone else was actually dry sex. Does that count? It felt awesome: a buildup of expectant tension, and then the release! It’s like your whole body sighing a big, relieved sign of pleasure. What was done right …I think it that I was really focused and into it, not really knowing what was going on but letting my body lead.

Q: What myths do you think people have about orgasm?

A: That Orgasm is the point of sex. I think you can have so much fun and pleasure without having to make orgasm your goal!

Q: What are three things that you wish you had known earlier?

A: Be daring and try new things during sex. You never know if it’ll be your new favorite position :)

Q: Who/ What have helped you (a friend, a book, and / or a great partner)?

A: Something that has helped me be more open about orgasm and sex in general have been books by Osho. He elaborates a lot on freedom of sex, and sex for happiness. There is one called Tandra. He has books on every subject! I am reading him now actually, about Mindfulness :)


Yoky Yu is the founder of 2BHappy, an organization empowering girls 16-36 by providing workshops in

soft skills and creative ways of thinking. 2BHappy is looking for interns, partners, and sponsors. Feel free

to find us on WeChat:

WeChat Public Account: 2BHappy

WeChat Public Account: 2BHappy



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