How Dad and I Talk—-A Simple Journal about My Dad

I have always missed my dad so much. My eyes got wet instantly while I typed up the previous sentence. I am writing my emotion in English because I don’t want him to see me being cheesy. He doesn’t speak English. I don’t think he knows that I have a website.

My dad doesn’t say “I love you” to me. I don’t say that to him neither. Sometimes, We talk to each other like bros.

When I propose something, my dad will find a way to disagree with me. Our communication has been based on him questioning my opinions. For example, when I was little, I would say “dad, I want to wear that jacket to school tomorrow.” My dad would say “冷吧!穿多点!(It would be too cold! Put on more clothes!)”

I would say “dad, I want to do this..do that..” My dad would say “No,….” And I would try to convince him. He would let me do it if I provided enough reasons to do something.

It’s just his way of saying ‘sweetie, why do you want to wear that jacket?” He would never say that.

It’s just his way of showing care without being cheesy. He disagrees only because he wants to learn more about something and make sure that I will be safe doing that. He did say a lot of yeses to my proposals.

I realized that lots of times when I care about something, I would say “No, because….” and debate with my teammate.

Sometimes I was right but sometimes I embarrassed myself for saying too much ‘No, because..”. I noticed that pattern in myself and I have been trying to change. I think it is because I care about the result and I want us to do it right. I am afraid of saying yes something that I haven’t digested yet. …The solution is easy. Next time, I would just ask my teammate to clarify or give me a minute to think.

I was definitely influenced by my dad. The way that we communicated. I miss my dad so much. Today I called him and said “hey dad, do you think it is a good idea if I go to study performing arts and become a hostess or an actress?” It’s just a thought. I won’t necessarily do that.

He was going to say something, but he didn’t.

He paused, and said “I support whatever decision you make.”

I guess he thought that his daughter is a grown-up now.

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